Man Rules For Living With A Woman

THE MAN RULES-at last a guy has taken the time to write this all down.

Finally, the guys' side of the story.
(I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear 'the rules'
From the female side...

Now here are the rules from the male side.

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

2. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

3. Sunday sports It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

4. Crying is blackmail.

5. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

6. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

7. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

8. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

9.. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

10. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

11. You can either ask us to do something
or tell us how you want it done.
Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

12. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

13. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

14. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

15. If it itches, it will be scratched..
We do that.

16. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

17. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

18. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.

19. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or motor sports.

20. You have enough clothes.

21. You have too many shoes.

22. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

23. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight.
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can -
to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can -
to give them a bigger laugh.

Naughty Old People T-Shirts! Funny!

When you get old, you pretty much have a license to do whatever in the world you want to. You've earned it. This right includes wearing t-shirts that may be questionable to some people's standards but quite alright for senior citizens. Check out this collection of "dirty" old people shirts. Get your laugh for today.

Auburn graduate launches his new boat...

I'm an Auburn fan, but I thought this was pretty funny. WAR EAGLE!


College Football is Coming!!!

The Effect

A koala was sitting in a gum tree smoking a joint when a little lizard walked past, looked up and said,
"Hey Koala! What are you doing?"
The koala said, "Smoking a joint, come up and have some."
So the little lizard climbed up and sat next to the koala where they enjoyed a few joints. After a while the little lizard said that his mouth was dry and that he was going to get a drink from the river.
The little lizard was so stoned that he leaned over too far and fell into the river.

A crocodile saw this and swam over to the little lizard and helped him to the side. Then he asked the little lizard, "What's the matter with you?"

The little lizard explained to the crocodile that he had been sitting with the koala in the tree, smoking a joint, but got too stoned and fell into the river while taking a drink..

The crocodile said that he had to check this out and walked into the rain forest, found the tree where the koala was sitting finishing a joint. The crocodile looked up and said,
"Hey you!"
So the koala looked down at him and said,
"Shiiiiiiiiiiit dude...
How much water did you drink?"

New Baskin-Robbins Ice Cream Flavor

In honor of the 44th President of the United States , Baskin-Robbins Ice Cream has introduced a new flavor: " Barocky Road ."

Barocky Road is a blend of half vanilla, half chocolate, and surrounded by nuts and flakes. The vanilla portion of the mix is not openly advertised and usually denied as an ingredient. The nuts and flakes are all very bitter and hard to swallow. The cost is $100.00 per scoop. When purchased it will be presented to you in a large beautiful cone, but then the ice cream is taken away and given to the person in line behind you. You are left with an empty wallet and no change, holding an empty cone with no hope of getting any ice cream. Are you stimulated?

Let's Play Walmart Bingo!

Have you ever played 'Wal-Mart BINGO?

Copy the attached bingo card and take it with you the next time you visit Wal-Mart. Very funny and very true. Some examples of squares include "Rebel Flag T-Shirt", "Dirty Diaper in Parking Lot", "Child Without Shoes", Etc.
Click on the picture to enlarge and see it better.

Listerine Kills Mosquitoes. No, really...

Mosquito Spray...Worth a try... I was at a deck party awhile back, and the bugs were having a ball biting everyone. A man at the party sprayed the lawn and deck floor with Listerine, and the little demons disappeared. The next year I filled a 4-ounce spray bottle and used it around my seat whenever I saw mosquitoes.. And voila! That worked as wel l. It worked at a picnic where we sprayed the area around the food table, the children's swing area, and the standing water nearby. During the summer, I don't leave home without it.....Pass it on. I tried this on my deck and around all of my doors. It works - in fact, it killed them instantly. I bought my bottle from Target and it cost me $1.89. It really doesn't take much, and it is a big bottle, too; so it is not as expensive to use as the can of Bug-spray you buy that doesn't last 30 minutes. So, try this, please. It will last a couple of days. Don't spray directly on a wood door (like your front door), but spray around the frame. Spray around the window frames, and even inside the dog house.